“The most important thing you can do is to tell someone.

It's a sad truth that Domestic Violence now occurs in one in every four households in the UK. From verbal abuse and threatening behaviour to serious physical assault and even murder.

Here is some general advice for anyone who is an abusive relationship and who wants to know how they can better protect themselves and their family:

1) Support System

Perhaps the most crucial step is to ensure that you have a support system in place -- family, friends and professionals who can assist you. Your abuser may try to keep you away from people who love you and care for you. This is a way of making you more dependent on them. Don't allow this to happen. Find ways to maintain at least some contact with the people who are important to you. It will also be helpful to find professionals who can assist you in total confidence -- perhaps your doctor, solicitor, the Citizen's Advice Bureau or Victim Support. Additionally you could talk to Women's Aid on one of their helplines. Keep their number safe and if you decide to call, try and use a payphone in case their number shows on your bill. All of these people are part of your safety net. They can help you learn about domestic violence and tell you about the resources that are available to you.

2) Maximise your Personal Safety

When you are with your partner, you also need to consider your personal safety. If situations do start to escalate, try to keep as calm and rational as possible. Your response may affect how the situation develops.

Be aware of those things which you know may trigger an explosive response from your partner.

3) Personal Space

Keeping your body language, movement and tone of voice as non-threatening as possible may be a helpful strategy.

If an argument does begin, you should try to keep at least 2-3 feet (45-90cm) distance between you and your partner. Encroaching on your partner's personal space may increase their anger and put you in greater danger.

Be aware of your body position. If possible, try to avoid standing eye-to-eye or toe-to-toe with your partner as this may send a challenging message. Standing one leg length away and at an angle off to the side may also prove less dangerous.

If matters do become more serious, try to keep yourself between your partner and any escape route, such as the front door, in case you need to get out quickly.

4) Pre-planning

Talk to family, friends and neighbours who you can trust. Ask them to call the police is they see or hear any incident occurring. Have a prearranged 'Keyword' which you can use on the phone to let them know you are in danger and need help or if the worst happens and your partner attacks you, make as much noise as possible to alert them. Also encourage your children to keep themselves safe by planning what to do if your partner becomes violent. Can they find a safe place in the house? Can they run to a neighbour's house?

What to do before you leave...

To outsiders, it seems so simple -- 'if she is being battered by her partner, why doesn't she just leave?' But if you have ever been abused you know that it is not that easy. Where will you go? How will your partner react? Will you be able to support yourself? Who will help you? And most importantly -- how will you keep yourself and your children safe?  Leaving an abusive relationship is anything but simple. Often, victims of domestic violence are forced to leave home suddenly, having had no chance to prepare and no safety net.

Support system

As we have already identified it is critical to surround yourself with friends, family and professionals who you can turn to in your hour of need, especially if you are thinking of leaving.

Pre-plan a safe place to go. It is best if this is a place unknown to your abuser. Remember that friends may sometimes be reluctant to assist you in this way because of concerns for their own safety”.  

I want to leave home, is there an official age when I can leave?